Tuesday, January 31, 2006
provoking the peace
In no particular order, list 3 people you talk to online, 4 people you see in school, 2 teachers, 3 people you lurve going out with and 3 people in your sms box.1. Pat
2. Mic
3. Sam
4. Matthew
5. Shuwen
6. Angela
7. Cammie
8. David Liew
9. Rollie
10. Eliz
11. Allison
12. Zaki
13. Xinyan
14. Pris
15. Melissa
So what do you think about no. 4?
God-fearing guy, easy going, down to earth, great reliable friend to have.
How nice is no. 6 ?
Haha everyone's nice, I've yet to meet someone who's a pest. But having said that, I won't skirt the issue - Angela has one of the most genuine personalities amongst my friends. Humourous and light-hearted... does that qualify for nice or is nice to bland a word to use?
On a scale of 1-10, how good looking number is no.5 ?
She's got a fantastic smile, an infectious personality, is tall, slim with pretty eyes. So on a scale, she'll be hitting all the high notes.
Will you ever fall for no.11 ?
ahhh, sometimes randomness just suffocates you, maybe I should have been deliberate in my placing of names besides numbers. If I were a guy, I would, but proceed with much sensitivity and respect. But then I'm not a guy, so anything esle is a no-go, please.
Honestly, if no.8 met with an accident, what will you do ?
Get the whole art class to go visit him, maybe design some humongous 3D card, and pray. The last being the most precious and most fruitful.
How much do you like no. 2 ?
Hehe! Online buddy, or the 'diary' I report to daily (as I've called her, she wasn't too amused, haha). Frank, humourous, one who endears over time, and highly sensitive. Do I like? Yeah I do, for there is hardly any reason to dislike anyone completely. And - she's a dear friend to have, just that others have to appreciate her efforts and strengths.
Will 7 & 13 make a gd couple?
Well they know each other as friends. And again I'm kicking myself at the randomness of allocating names.
Would 14 kill you one day?
Nah! We lurve each other too much to do that! Bus buddies and endless-chats gal friends - too potent a combination to allow any hint of animosity get the better of her (or me).
Who do you like most ? 3 or 10 ?
ahhh 3 is a lurvely girl - though quiet and quite a tough nut to crack, she is amiable and frank. I lurve frankness. Realised how much both of us share in common with regards to certain aspects of life. With regards to 10 - she's fun and easy to talk to. known her for years but there's still an aura of mystery about her. as with 3, I find it easy at times relating to what 10 says and does. So perhaps owing to my, at times, capricious and idiosyncratic nature, I like neither the most and one just as much as the other.
Hehe. If any of you dear readers of this sluggish blog decide to do this *whatever* out of boredom or interest, keep me informed so I too can peek into your life.
lux at 1:45 am
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Que sera sera? selah
Life gets more compellingly difficult, and complicated, with every month that passes. The new year has quite comfortably settled in, as I find myself uttering the right numerals and stopped referring to the current year in future tense. However while my body moves forward, my mind is stalled by a habitual tendency to backtrack. What is so compellingly difficult is how I backtrack and remain there, mired and stuck in limbo.The past week has been one of realisation and confusion. I dislike it when people, especially my mum, tell me I should do something with gifts I am supposed to be blessed with. I am no genius; and gifts, being alone, fades away without effort. I kick myself for not trying harder, for not being more 'proactive' (oh how I detest that word. is being active not enough? and if I act on it, do I really want to do it?). I always knew I enjoyed doing certain things and realising, in many more unexplainable, inexplicable ways, I was recognised for doing them. However it is no longer enough to be good, above average or remarkable, one has to continue upping the stakes, garner continual praises and be excellent, extraordinary, incomparable. Gifts are no longer natural endowments, they become quantifiable - never yours to keep but others to judge. So if I was as good as some people made me out to be some time in a distant past, why am I not doing nothing with anything in the present? I realised I am burdened by everything the past has made me out to be.
Where is the passion? Where is that vortex which attracts and draws out energy from within me? I would like to know, because for now, I feel like there is a small vortex within me myself which is slowly swallowing what passion remains within me. It is selfish and allows me to produce nothing tangible and satisfying.
I fluctuate between two states - that of being wholy fulfilled and the other, of being increasingly empty and drained out. The former is of hope, the latter of hope being run over by the drudgeries of time and lethargy. I try convincing myself that if I just took a rest and not work at proving anything to anyone, I would come marginally closer to achieving the true peace promised by the first state. Silly! Who is my worst, most insidious and deceptive enemy?
Is it me?
lux at 1:11 pm