Friday, January 14, 2005
You tell me... ?
For now I think it's better to be wanting. Better wanting than finally having what you wanted. The thrill and anxiety that comes with anticipation, yearning... wanting. Before I sleep and when I wake, my wanted stays with me. Occupying the spaces of my mind. My heart thumps ravenous heartbeats.But when I've finally gotten my wanteds, the hunger leaves me. Guilt washes over me - why can I not be contented with what I have? Cravings... cravings their intense knockings on the doors of my mind will simply fade with time. My energy can and should be channelled somewhere esle. What I have in front of me simply cannot fill the void left when want made way for have.
Damn everything! I want to be selfish, happy enough desiring more than what's good for me.
lux at 1:43 am