Monday, January 03, 2005
What you fear you find
... or something to the sound of that. But how true it is! I remember quoting the very-quotable her in one of my earlier entries so this is almost like coming full circle. Now there are ladies-in-waiting, marriages, a maritime journey or two and an imagination spanning the breadth of the horizon."My husband married me so that his liaisons with other women, being forbidden, would be more exciting. Danger was an aphrodisiac to him: he wanted nothing easy or gentle. His way was to cause whirlwinds. ... What did it matter if he need a certain kind of outlet, so long as he loved me? I wanted to love him; I was determined to be happy with him. I had not been happy before.
...
I soon discovered that the women he preferred were the inmates of a lunatic asylum. With them he arranged mock marriages in deserted barns. ... He had them straight after on a pig-trough altar. Most were virgins. He liked to come home to me smelling of their blood.
Does the body hate itself so much that it seeks release at any cost?
I didn't kill him. I left him to walk the battlements of his ruined kingdom; his body was raddled with disease. The same winter he was found dead in the snow.
Why could he not turn his life towards me, as trees though troubled by the wind yet continue in the path of the sun?"
Jeanette Winterson, Sexing the Cherry
Grove Press NY
All the pressures of marriage will they come tumbling on me ten years from now? Or will I leap leap leap like a flying fish outta water towards the sunset?
lux at 1:27 am