Saturday, October 16, 2004
mind spasms
You know what a myoclonic twitch is, bonny boy?...Well, when you're falling asleep. And your mind's wanderin'. And you've crossed over the boundary of sleepin' and wakin', and you're beginning to almost dream, and in the dream you take a step, or move an arm, and in real life it twitches too. And it wakes you back up.
- Gaiman in Death, the high cost of living
Wake me up from the nightmare I've been going through for the past couple of days, because I am unbelievably exhausted by it. Mentally, then physically. Ever felt like blood pouring out from within you and flooding your whole body over? Flowing terribly it pushes against your skin which is like the membrane of a blister about to burst from the pressure coming from within. Mine's a tired worn-out blood. And I've done things for selfish reasons, realising beforehand the risks I was taking, and then chastising myself after everything has happened. Because what I feared did indeed occur.
Just tired before it happened, when it happened, and now indescribably exhausted by what had happened. Why do I make things so difficult for myself? Because I can never understand how emotional matters could ever be easily resolved? Or because I subconsciously take secret pleasure in pushing myself to the limits and indulging in the drama?
You do not have to be so hard on yourself. Yeah right. There are so many things that cannot be simply explained away.
lux at 9:39 pm